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Life is Wonderful!

Sweetest Auntie in the World

BILOXI, MISS — My Aunt Bobbie says her Rosary every night and she’s prayng hard for me and my children and their Dad. I am no longer a practicing Catholic and although I had both my children baptised Catholic as infants, I have not raised them in the faith. I have raised them to embrace the truth of the spirit that lives in us all.

My aunt understands this and still says a little Mass now and then keeps “Life Wonderful.”

I love her and the wonders of the life she’s living at 82 years old, with a solid heart, a sound mind and gift of loving all children and people who enter her space.

To Run is to Breath Freely

Me at ease after a long run

When my heart aches my feet and legs want to run like I’m being chased by fire-breathing dragons.

 Today, it aches, I’ve had a tough week in this custody batttle, but I’m not running away from anything. I’m facing the dragons — the illusions, head on. New thoughts emerge and I’m free to run for the love of running. Not to escape from lies or the flames created by someone’s perceptions. There’s nothing like the feelings, thoughts, and peace generated from a nice long run.

When Friends Leave The Heart Shifts

Sister-friends

One of my dearest friends in Little Rock has moved to New Haven, Conn., to teach at a college there where she’ll earn more money and teach fewer classes. I have her daughter, Waverly, staying here with me until she gets things settled there to move her two youngest children there in a few weeks.

My friend, Antoinette and I are more like sisters than friends and I miss her terribly, even though she’s been gone a week. We’ll always be in touch, soothing each others pains, offering a laugh to lighten the tensions and loads we both face sometimes as single moms. She’s moving through her life to create new relationships and instruct her children on how to navigate change that makes them see themselves in new ways. I love her for this, as well as how she teaches not just her children, but her sister-friend, me, how to embrace the reality behind friends leaving our physical space, but never abandoning our hearts and thoughts.

My life is enriched knowing that I have someone in New Haven who loves me and she’ll always know that her sister-friend in Little Rock will always have space for her and her children whenever she calls. The relationship is real, pure and the hearts shifts a little to accommodate the distance the love needs to travel to extend what’s true. I’m here.

Central High PTSA Officers Needed

Hey,

It’s your turn. Calling all Central High Parents who can serve on the PTSA board. We’re accepting nonimations for next year’s roster of officers. I’m the recording secretary now and the job’s not so hard. All you do is show up at the meetings and type into a template words that people speak during the meetings. Oh, come on, volunteer. You get a close and personal look at what’s happening at your child’s school. Central is a great school because of the students, teachers, staff, and parents. It’s time to do your part to make it even better.

VOLUNTEER.

Contact me shareesekondo@ymail.com if you want me to submit your name to the committee. I’d love to see you show up and so would your Central student. Tag. You’re it.

A Hero-Dad’s Version of Iced Coffee

Here’s a story that could teach a child to step outside of themselves, help a stranger and look at coffee in whole new way:

A New Way to Share Coffee

A New Spin on Iced Coffee

By Marquis Hunt

“I just wanted a productive day” is what I told myself.  I started off the day in regular Daddy mode – 6a.m. wake up the 10-year-old and the 7-year-old. They have to be on their bus by 7. It’s cold outside. The morning temp read 16 degrees Fahrenheit. Carrington, the 7-year-old would read it “sixteen small circle F.”

 This is the first day of school this week. I know it’s Wednesday, but we had snow and ice so no school for days 1 and 2. I’ve enjoyed sleeping in, but today? The children are released from their furlough and I’m released from my sentence.

My oldest catches his bus at around 7:12 a.m. so I’ll be nice today and let him wait in the truck. No need letting him freeze even THOUGH he doesn’t believe he needs a coat. So, as I’m waiting with him for his bus, I get the sense that his bus isn’t coming. We call the dispatch only to be on hold for 15 minutes after attempting at least 3 calls with an incessant ring.  They finally answer and we are informed that his bus went on to better things because it couldn’t get up the hill due to ice. (Little Rock is very hilly)

 I’m like, “That’s nice.” “So tell me where I can meet the bus….” The dispatcher gives me my driving detail and I’m off. Meanwhile, I’m making a call to the house to ensure my 13-year-old is awake and preparing for his day. I would normally be there to awaken him, but not today cause I’m a Daddy diversion. The mommy detail has just been augmented. It’s on her now.

I get him off, meeting his bus just in time and while I’m in route, I get the call from the 13-year-old asking me, “Dad, can you drive me to school today?”

“Yes, Zac,  (the 13-year-old) that won’t be a problem.”  It’s cold and I’m in a good mood, so I won’t make him ride his razor.

As I’m doing my duty, I began to imagine my day. I want a productive day – I state this to a friend over a phone conversation while driving. I further stipulate that I want a day that produces resource for “me” rather than only using myself as a resource. I’m setting my intention. At least, I think I am.

Back and forth and back and forth I go. While driving to my son’s school, I approach a stop sign and observe the sight of smoke accompanied by a smell of burning rubber. I see nothing alerting me to the cause. There’s minimal traffic; there’s just a bus on the street to my right, but that’s normal. Approaching home again I notice the smell but see no smoke so I keep on going. After arriving home, I remember needing fuel and not wanting to do later in the day after the car would have gotten cold again, I drive off again noticing the smell, but seeing nothing out of the ordinary.

THIS time on the way home at that SAME stop sign, I don’t notice the smell but I DO notice that school bus that had disappeared into my mindlessness on the previous 3 times passing it. Now I understand the smell. The school bus is slipping, sliding, and stuck. The driver appears to be in his late twenties and flustered. I’m no expert in getting unstuck in the ice, but I did have some fun with it three days earlier when my rear-wheel driving Pathfinder “lost” its way on the brand new snow. I ended up driving in reverse on a major street, because it was the only way to get unstuck after being mastered by the slippery slopes for over 30 minutes. But in this case, the bus is stuck. The students are stranded (well, for a little while they are) and the driver is stalled with no answers joined by a fear of going in reverse.

Can I help? I don’t know, but what I do know is when I feel stranded, stuck, or stalled I would want someone to step in and at least try. So I do “me.”

This isn’t the type of “production” I was looking for. I saw a need and immediately looked to see if I had something -  ANYTHING – that might be of some help. I tried grabbing handfuls of leaves and dirt to throw onto the ice in front of the slipping tires, but no progress. Fortunately, the school district sent another bus to get the students, but the driver was left to mind his bus.

I kept thinking, “There must be a way,” and I had a thought or heard a voice (which ever). “Look in the back of your truck and see if there is something you can use.” I looked and what I saw was a half-filled jug of antifreeze solution and a bag of Starbuck’s French Roast. The coffee was previously ground and had been in my truck for almost two months. I thought, “this just might work.”

I carried a part-time job as a barista at Starbucks a few years ago but I had never made iced-coffee in the manner I was about to attempt it. I sprinkled the coffee over the ice, blended it a little with the antifreeze and voila – a new spin on ICED COFFEE. The bus took its first turn and being unstuck and continued to spin but on the second-go-round, it found traction.

The driver stepped off the bus to shake my hand. He asked my name as he referred to me as a “good Samaritan.”

I’m learning to be mindful of moments of my mindlessness. I had ignored signs calling for my attentiveness. I was oblivious even though I was well intended as a dutiful Dad. It took a few passes for me to realize someone else needed my help who was not at a place to ask me for it or even know I existed. The bus driver couldn’t abandon the bus to stop hasty traffickers. He just had to wait until someone noticed enough to believe he or she could make the difference.

Could this be you?

LifeXchange Teaches Truth in Loving Relationships

I’ve been fortunate to have the “powers that be” facilitate visitation for me with my children.  I’m getting them every other weekend, (you know that from earlier postings) but NOW, I get to visit with them once through the week after school. I’m somewhat anxious about getting more opportunities to nurture normalcy well beyond all the tumult. Things were somewhat normal until last summer when things took a turn that lived beyond anything I was able to anticipate. I’ve been in recovery mode since then.

Whew!!! I am breathing again… I’m grateful for this.  That’s due to the “powers that be” – in this case, yeah, it’s the court. They aren’t advocating for me; I can see signs that they are advocating for “us.”  This new direction has been finding slow traction since October.

We’re still working and we’re still waiting. I’m still wanting more time with them and I’m having to learn to live beyond my pain to a place where I can be healthy for those who are unable to master theirs.  The more time I can spend with them, the better my chances of showing what I think to be a better way.

Wish me luck…

I wouldn’t wish court battles on anyone. Sometimes it’s the only way to cajole us into consciousness and give us the space for repentance. There are other ways for families to find resolve that aren’t so painful. One thing is for sure, I’m not interested in an ego battle to gain control over anyone. I’m living for an optimum existence and I want this for those I love as well – in this case, my children. There is a better way. I’ve seen it and I’m determined to show it. The way of kindness, being considerate and self-loving is the path toward nurturing beautiful relationships and I’m all in. I’m hoping my children will “call” and raise the stakes for love.

This weekend was a doozy… Being scarcely seen as the “actual” mother, it is taking a critical readjustment to reestablish myself in this role. This is painful and has the potential to be more painful for all of us. Oh, if things could just be different. Part of my desire is to give nourishment to the sibling relationship that my children have found as scarce as my parenting. To do this, I’m having to let go of all of my romance with parenting the normal way and I’m having to let them go to find them again – but I’m all in.  I’m having to love and mother in quality over quantity. This way, I don’t have to sacrifice impact for time spent.  A healthy dose of “mother’s love” is having to go the distance – no pun intended. Healthy detachment is sometimes necessary to bring one’s self back to wholeness.

I’d like to plug a resource that’s been nurturing my skill to master my emotions. I have a teacher/counselor/personal pastor whose sober take on relationships helps me move through difficult periods in vital relationships in my life. His name is Marquis Hunt and at times, you’ve seen him quoted on my blog spot. He has an organization called the LifeXchange and next Sunday at 11 a.m., he’ll be conducting an informational session about this spiritual, peace building group at a place called Mediums. It’s downtown on Center Street between 6th and Capitol.

Come to learn how to manage your encounters with pain, sorrow, sadness and grief in relationships and still come out loving, sometimes the person who is responsible for what could be devastating emotions that can destroy relationships. I’ve learned to stick it out and not be mastered by the illusions and anxiety such emotions can cause. Thoughts of leaving, running away or even harming yourself or those you claim to “love” creep up and you no longer recognize what’s true. His teaching helps you see what’s true in every moment.

Marquis Hunt teaches from a mind consumed with joy, a heart devoted to truth and a life doused in faith. Come meet someone who can transform you. Come experience the LifeXchange.

Contact: 501-749-2110

The LifeXchange, Sunday, Jan. 16, 11 a.m. – 1 p.m., Mediums, 521 Center Street.

Winter Fast Attacks Hot Flashes

A cleansing fast starts today of oranges, grapes and water. No running on this fast, but deep connection to the will to love, rest, give and honor truth. What a way to welcome change. Welcome Winter. Tag you’re it.

 I do this fast to cut down on hot flashes. It works. I may have one flash a month.

My family thinks I’m nuts to do this but it works. I fast from today to Christmas morning. It’s not so bad. I eat as many oranges and grapes as possible and drink gallons of water. It feels good afterwards, knowing that I’ve cleansed my system of toxins and things that it doesn’t need. I have a pretty strong will and I love using it to make my body stronger too.

The winter solstice has something to do with welcoming change. I love it. Change is inevitable in our lives. Trust in it and you won’t be disappointed.

Happy Winter.

Give Holiday Cheer through Wrapping

Gift wrappers are needed. If you like to wrap gifts please come out to McCain Mall where the SCAT table is set up. We need volunteers to help wrap presents for Senior Citizens Activities Today,  a non-profit agency that cares for the needs of the elderly.

SCAT arranges for them to stay active and engaged in living. They live primarily in the senior high rises that are managed by the Little Rock Housing Authority, Paris Tower, Cumberland Towers and Jesse Powell Towers. Jinjer James Greene is the executive director. We’ll be wrapping presents through Christmas Eve. Please help out if you can.

Call Jinjer at 554-9535 to wrap. Or show up outside the J.C. Penney’s on the second level of the mall. We need all the help we can get.

Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. Peace to Everyone!

Doing it “My” Way

Delighted and horrified at the same time. It’s my weekend. I get them – the children. Can I sponsor a weekend getaway for my children at MY house where they feel a reprieve from normalcy without ever feeling like they’ve left home? Truthfully, I don’t know if it’s even fair to think in these terms. Dual or shared custody maybe shouldn’t be normal but I can do my best to make it ideal.The children don’t get it. They haven’t seen it all. They really don’t understand it all and you know… That’s normal.

Will Smith (Fresh Prince) said it in the 80′s – “Parents just don’t understand.” I don’t know if they/we ever will. My parents just recently visited me. They purchased a TV – not for me but for my children. I didn’t like it. I don’t like it. I have my own ideas about how “healthy” TV isn’t, but that’s me. MY parents don’t fully understand my position on this but I do my best to embrace their love in the way they know how to give it. I’m thinking I’d like the same deference from the people that came out of me.

So I accepted the TV. My parents got what they wanted. The children get what they want but what about me? Funny thing though. The children don’t think they get what they want. I’ve locked the TV with the “parental controls”. They don’t think I understand. And it’s okay. I don’t have to. Just like the grandparents, I get to make some decisions because I’m “grandfathered” into certain inalienable powers – I still get to decide what’s best for the children when they are at my house. What I know is that it’s not just a power; it’s a responsibility. And it’s my job to recognize it and teach my children what it means to become responsible. So I’ll give them the TV but I won’t give them Adult Swim, at least not yet. Maybe after they demonstrate that their response/ability is at a level that leaves me less than horrified.

Our conversations are not ideal but maybe soon, as we grow, they will resemble this:  (I’m wishing and reaching):

Child: Oh, hi, I was wondering when you were gonna call.

Me: Yes, dear and you’re staying over this weekend.

Child: I know – We don’t have enough time  together anymore.

Me: We’ll make the best of it though.

Child: Can you take the parental control blocks off the t.v.?

Me: No, there are some things I don’t think you so should watch with your brother.

Child: But we watch them at Dad’s house.

Me: And I respect that, however when you’re here, I like to nurture a different type of entertainment. We have different homes now for good reason, Dear.

Child: Obviously so. This sucks.

Me: I know and it’s okay, but it’ll get better

Winning their favor is not happening as quickly as I would like. I’d like to be able to say more of what I feel in my heart, but we’re still healing.  Love has never left the relationship but sometimes the people have. No worries. (So I tell myself and convince myself). Love will lead the way even if I don’t understand…

Appreciate it All

I don’t have the kids today. They’ll do a cookout with their Dad this Thanksgiving. I’m going hiking to Petit Jean with some friends. I miss them of coure. But we can celebrate Thanksgiving when they get here. I’m grateful for them every day. I just hope they know I appreciate them and their father even though I’m not included in their holiday events. It’s the moments we do share that count, and the moments we don’t can still be valued.

Happy Thanksgiving! Celebrate and appreciate it all!